


and you could have it all

by SaraJaye



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Afterlife, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hitori really is a horrible bird, Lies, M/M, Manipulation, Suicide, Unhealthy Relationships, literal broken birds, these birds are so fucked up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 20:21:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6298996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He let himself feel for the first time in a long time. That was his mistake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and you could have it all

It was the first time light had ever entered his dark world. _Hitori Uzune_ , a name to mean _alone_ but he came to Kazuaki, befriended him, understood him.

Birds were never meant to become this intelligent. Suddenly it was nothing but pressure, to find a job and keep the bills paid, to contribute to society, to be basically _human._ Kazuaki had always been somewhat sensitive and fragile, and now he was thrust into a world of impossibilities with so little time to prepare.

Hitori understood. Hitori, solemn and hurt and _broken_ from a loss in his past he refused to talk about, and Kazuaki never minded. Friends didn't ask questions, friends supported.

"This world is too cruel," Hitori would often say. "Why live if everything we love can be taken from us in an instant?"

"Why _should_ we? Sometimes I wonder if this truly _is_ living...weren't birds so much happier before?" Kazuaki wished they could go back, but Hitori knew the truth, there _was_ no turning back the wheels of evolution.

So they clung to each other the way only two wounded birds could. Hitori was all he wanted to know, the only one who understood his pain, and he vowed to do the same for the bird he called his friend...and later, his lover.

It should have been impossible for two as damaged as them to fall in love. Hitori, mourning his loss and Kazuaki, barely able to function. Perhaps it wasn't love so much as it was co-dependency and obsession, but it was the closest thing Kazuaki had ever known.

"Sometimes I don't think this world deserves you," Hitori often said. "It doesn't deserve _us._ " And Kazuaki would nestle further beneath his lover's wings, nodding sadly in agreement.

"Sometimes I wish we could just leave this world behind forever, to a world of our own," he said one night. Hitori drew him closer, a rare smile in his eyes.

"Then let's do it."

"Hitori..." Kazuaki's heart beat faster. "You would give up your existence here, just for me?"

"We were born into this world to suffer, and it's taken so much from us already. Why let it take more?" Hitori whispered. "Tomorrow night, we'll end our time here and move on to a better existence."

They sealed this pact with an embrace and dreamed of their better existence as they slept that night.

 

"Goodbye, Kazuaki." No, this wasn't right, what was Hitori doing? He hadn't taken any of the drugs, he was still standing. Kazuaki struggled to stand but it was as though many ropes bound him to the floor, strangling him.

"Hitori!"

"You're so pathetic, a bird like you should have died a long time ago." _No, no, you said you loved me, you told me you understood!_ Tears stung his eyes but refused to fall.

"You _promised_ ," he choked, "you said we'd find a better existence. Together, remember?"

"And you believed me." Through blurring vision he saw sadness in Hitori's expression, though his words were cold. His hearing faded in and out, Hitori spoke and Kazuaki could feel him moving further and further away.

"Hitori...I-I don't want to die. Please...save..."

When he next opened his eyes he was on a train, speeding through the darkness. He could barely see, his head a jumble of thoughts and feelings and pain.

_You never loved me,_ he thought. _Hitori, all this time, you..._ But the warmth they'd shared, nights spent in each other's embrace, _this world doesn't deserve us, only you understand me_ , it couldn't have been a lie, he wouldn't believe it!

_I won't...he'll come for me, he didn't mean what he said, he'll come for me. Hitori..._

He stood on a corner, candle held in his wing, and waited.


End file.
